Emotional Sobriety
As these recovery fellowships mature, we are now moving to the `both, and..´ perspective with respect to exploring the scientific and spiritual aspects of the root causes of addiction and in drawing upon modern and recently developed resources to augment the Twelve Steps as we implement the solution. These resources may include Jung’s work on Archetypes, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Trauma therapy modalities such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing, PQ Mental Fitness, Inner Child work, Kinesiology, etc., to name only a few…
PQ 2.0
It has been shown that our Individual Positive Intelligence Quotient (PQ), i.e., the ratio between positive and negative emotions on a typical day, has a direct influence on how stress-resistant we are and how much, or how little, of our real potential we manifest in our professional activities, relationships, families, and private lives. If we have three positive thoughts for every negative one, we have a PQ of 75. Anything above 75 is considered beneficial in terms of sustaining growth as we move towards achieving our true full potential…
God
Basic elements of reality which we, through our culture, collectively attempt to deny include the facts that we are all going to die, that everything is impermanent, that we have no control over much of what occurs in life, and that there is, beyond what we recognise we do not know, a vast amount of knowledge of which we are not aware that we do not know. We are blind to our own blind spots…
Bully
There are no doubts in my mind that, on occasion, I also behaved in the same monstrous way towards others, especially those smaller than me. Children can be very cruel to each other. This cruelty gets played out if our caregivers are not sufficiently present and tuned into what is going on. Under such circumstances, they can’t protect the children, whenever necessary, from hurting each other. This lack of awareness and presence on the part of the adults is probably due to the untended childhood wounds they, themselves, still carry…
Mercy
This experience was very much influenced by the prevailing image of a punitive God, all rules, and no mercy. I imagined the delinquent (me) kneeling before a fierce figure of authority (God) pleading for mercy in the hope of averting the worst degree of punishment (eternal damnation in hell), which was of course deserved, in the light of my unworthiness and the scourge of Original Sin. If this sounds dramatic, it was. Remember, these signals were being picked up by the ears, heart, and imagination of a very young child.
Grief
Grieving simply involves allowing repressed feeling to percolate up to the surface and sitting with them, without analysis or judgement, until, after some time, the emerged energy dissipates. Repetitions usually beckon. With each wave, the emotional thrust weakens in strength, as when the tide is going out.
In this gentle interaction, an important shift occurs. We have the feelings without the feelings having us.
Discovery
As we learn later in life, happiness cannot ever be attained. Happiness is a by-product of being who we truly are and embracing what happens. The more we strive for it, the further it slips from our grasp. This increases our frustration, and we simply try harder by applying more effort. Now we find ourselves in a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. The fact that a further eight billion people are all playing the same game, exacerbates things…
Control
The whole concept of control is an illusion. Yet we keep this truth under wraps for long stretches of our lives as we move forward in autopilot. Only when we experience setbacks, – a loved one dies, a partner leaves us, our career plans crash, a book manuscript is rejected, an illness or accident knocks on the door, or we find ourselves in the grip of an addictive dynamic we cannot escape, etc. – are we summarily awakened to the reality of the unmanageability of life…
Daring To Love
Without uncovering, subsequently befriending, and tending this wound – the Greek word is trauma – we will be hampered in all subsequent efforts to establish intimacy in human relations. Because when we open our hearts completely, we are stepping into the unknown and giving another person access to the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. There is always a chance of getting hurt, rejected, ridiculed, humiliated, of being misunderstood, or abandoned, once again…
Compassion
One further point is important in this respect. This is the danger of premature or simply rational forgiveness. This is `pseudo forgiveness´, a form of spiritual bypassing. It occurs when we return to the past, to attend inner wounds, this time not shielded by intoxication but by our still intact invulnerability. We thus protect ourselves from truly remembering and re-feeling the original pain. Instead of healing the old wounds, this approach simply masks them, thereby exacting a high price.
