Weekly Reflections

An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.

EnJOY!

Community

Safe At Last

In what could be described as the echo chamber phenomenon, this fear of apparent danger is activated when no such fears are pertinent to the current situation. Today’s situation provides the activation for fears which no longer apply. They have their origin in days long past. These phantoms, these fears from the past will have a hold over us until we address and resolve them. Until that happens we suffer from neurosis. `Neurotic means repetition of archaic ways of protecting ourselves from what no longer truly threatens us´, writes David Richo in his masterful `When Love Meets Fear´.

Mental Fitness

Astronomical

Finding a free bench in the park outside the village, I settled in for a longer period just before the eclipse reached its climax at ten minutes past noon. Now, totally relaxed and in awe of what was happening, my heart began to fill with gratitude. What a privilege to be able to experience something so superb! As I watched in awe, two contrasting ideas came to mind. The first concerned vastness and infinity. What an amazing notion, to consider that our solar system is at the edge of a galaxy which is only one of between 100 billion and 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe…

Mental Fitness

Religious Abuse

Over time, as we heal, we will grow in compassion. This is extended to our biological parents and other caregivers who may have also experienced religious abuse, been hampered in their own experience (or lack thereof) of spirituality, and did not have access to the wide array of recovery resources available to us today. Some of these are innovations, such as trauma therapy, which have been developed in our lifetime. Finding a Power of our understanding, a `Power greater than ourselves´, is essential for long term recovery and real inner transformation….

Community

Be Kind!

On one such engagement he was holding a symposium for corporate executives on the topic of leadership. He began by asking those members of the audience who had grandchildren to raise their hands. Most of the hands went up. He then asked them at exactly what point of the day they switched from being loving grandfathers (most were men) to being CEOs, incumbents of corporate power, who made largely rational, short-term yet wide-reaching decisions which ultimately undermine the future of our grandchildren and subsequent generations…

Community

Peace

As we make progress in establishing, maintaining, and increasing Mental Fitness, we can apply this three-step process in real time, thereby nipping the exertions of the Saboteurs in the bud, before damage occurs. Since we are not saints, we will not succeed in this every time. With practice, however, we will gain traction in thwarting their efforts while increasingly applying the Powers of Sage in navigating our lives. In cases where we do get hijacked, the return to balance (ease) and making amends will happen more and more swiftly. This is a measure of our newly attained resilience.

PQ Mental Fitness

Defences

It has become clear to me, over time, that most of my anger comes, primarily, from a place of deep sadness. Sadness at the loss of what might have been, what I feel could or perhaps should have been. The premature loss of innocence, the brutally truncated childhood, and unfortunate catapulting into preposterous responsibilities that nobody should be forced to bear at such a tender age. As long as we are incapable or unwilling to grieve these losses, we will continue to overlook the resources that life offers us.

Peace of MInd

Silence

So, the deeper I get into the silence, the more I anticipate the eruption. Avoiding silence at all costs can appear very enticing. Such attempts can be maintained over decades, through busyness or other forms of addictive habits and compulsive behavioural patterns. At some point, however, we generally crash and burn. This turning point, in retrospect, is the moment of opportunity, an opportunity to stop running, to practice interoception and to choose – in self-actualization – another way of living. Every programme of self-actualization includes meditation, prayer, and contemplation, in some form or other…

Health

Hiking

In the exuberance of youth, we had set out to change the world. Now, having reached midlife, we realise that the only person we can change is the one clad in our own skin, while recognising that that change, once manifested, may affect healing, growth, and development among those with whom we interact, one day at a time, if we are willing to share what we find…

Peace of MInd

Suicide

Not a year goes by now, without news of someone from my wider circle of friends or acquaintances struggling with life to the degree that they would consider what looks like an escape hatch, an easier softer way. Or indeed, the sad consummation of such plans. Every time this happens, I am devastated. The devastation comes from the mere inkling of the suffering the protagonist must have been going through when the decision was made and carried out. Such incidences also point clearly to our own vulnerability. If she or he could be pushed that far, could we be next?

Community

Loyalty

The outward focus on people, places, and things – as the presumptive wellspring of the love and sense of belonging we so strongly yearn – this erroneous attitude is a major cause of subsequent suffering in later life. The process of recovery is primarily a process of inner work on self. We do not recover to change our parents, our partners, or the world. We recover to grow in awareness. We recover to develop a new pair of glasses through which we view the world more objectively. And we recover to establish and practice new behaviours. In short, we do the work of recovery that we might be changed…

Community

Boundaries

It is incredulous that we survived such experiences as children. The abuse was bad enough, but the icing on the cake was the fact that no one was there to turn to for solace, for protection, for understanding, for solidarity, for a comforting hug. I dared not bring it up with my parents for fear that a second round of punishment would ensue. This stance emanated from my observation of how my parents treated older siblings in similar circumstances. I was smarter than that, I surmised. Into that trap I would not fall. It is this “no one being there for us in our time of need” which is described by Gabor Maté as the “über wound”…

Business Performance

Impassioned

This points us again to the importance of compassion once awareness has begun to germinate. The Saboteurs are both sly and powerful when it comes to maintaining their control over our lives. If we begin to beat ourselves up for the Saboteur pattern we have just discovered, we are right back in Saboteur mode again. Here we need to learn to be like a discerning anthropologist. We look clearly at what is before us, to see it as it is, without judgement or evaluation. We simply ask: “What is going on here?”

Community

Vulnerability

It was all those jagged edges that bewildered and overwhelmed me, that had me on the run almost from the time that I had learned to walk. Now I can see that these were the product of the unexpressed grief, the denial, and the crazy making which characterized the family in which I grew up. There was no one there to hold me with my jagged edges, so I simply covered them over in the hope of avoiding further mutilation. When we hide things from others for long enough, they become hidden from us too. Yet beneath the armour, the wounds continue to ache. And then they begin to fester. Only when the pain becomes intolerable do we cry out for hope.

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