An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.
EnJOY!
There can be no transformation without gratitude. For gratitude leads to appreciation, taking us from hubris to humility, and enabling us to move out of our heads into the present moment. The intent of the addictive practice in the first place was as an avoidance strategy to protect us from the present moment of the three or five-year-old, which would otherwise have been unbearable…
Today it is a rambling, tranquil, wonderfully restored city of great natural beauty. My years spent there were the hectic years of establishing a career, starting a family, and taking up my place in the world. I had not much time in those days to sally through the quiet streets or cycle along the river to the neighbouring towns, but I did take every opportunity I got. A love affair had begun…
I railed against the system, not yet realising that the only person I could change was me. Brutal youth tells us that we can change the world by changing others, by simply applying enough pressure. It took a while for the reality to sink in, a reality so eloquently expressed by Gandhi when he said: `Be the change you want to see in the world.´
Like my seven brothers, I was keen and spent much of my time there on the river; sometimes for twelve hours or more on days after a night’s rain, eagerly practising the craft taught me in childhood by my father, who learnt it from his, etc. To my consternation, I was not as good, by far, as some other members of the family, and often felt under pressure to prove myself in the strange ways of unwritten family codes…
With lots of initial suffering, self-sabotage, grace, hard work, courage, and the help of others, my life has gradually been unfolding as a life of `engaged non-attachment´. It is a very purposeful, peaceful way to live, generally without pressure, internal or external…
Then there was the experience of mystery, especially in the realm of nature. The hatching of a butterfly from its pupae at this time of year, the slow transformation of tadpoles, losing their tails and gaining the legs of young frogs, the musical flow of a river as interpreted and conveyed to me by my father, a man very attuned to the effervescence of nature. These, and more, caught my attention and even enchanted me. I felt part of the mystery itself…
Since my early forties, I have learned to identify this saboteur even before it kicks into action. I can even anticipate it, as in the example of deciding to breathe consciously while meditating. After even one minute, during which my mind has strayed far from my original intention, the judge inside me is yelling: `You can’t even do that right!´ and follows on with the statement that `all this mindfulness work is simply beyond me, a total waste of time.´
One very accessible example of factor analysis, used by Shirzad Chamine in his Positive Intelligence (PQ) Coaching Programme is that of colours. If we were to ask a general audience how many colours exist, you may get a variety of answers, from hundreds to thousands, depending on their family status, education, pastimes, and interactions. Yet, we may remember hearing one time at school that there are only three primary colours; namely red, yellow, and blue, from which all the other colours are derived…
Desperation fuelled my courage to admit, for the first time, that there was a problem, and to ask for help. When this happened, my eyes were opened to the fact that addiction is a disease which cannot be overcome by will power. Power of a different quality, of frequencies higher than that the ego, were called for, if the malady were to be overcome. As Einstein often pointed out, we `cannot solve a problem on the same level of consciousness that produced the problem´…
My attention was first drawn to conscious breathing many years ago when, in an effort to strengthen my sense of embodiment, I first began to work out in the local gym. My trainer became exasperated because, instead of taking a deep breath before a moment of exertion, I would hold mine in..
The most challenging years of life are, by definition, those early formative ones. Clinical research points to the fact that the fundamental wiring of our neural networks is almost completely laid down by our fourth birthday. These networks determine our temperament, our behavioral patterns, and belief systems well into adulthood. They will remain dominant until we consciously begin the practice of rewiring, of rewriting the script – if we are so lucky to realize the possibility of doing so…
When we experience pain, whether due to current issues (a bereavement, a setback, the break-up of a relationship, etc.) or the reactivation of an old episode of pain from the past (e.g. childhood trauma), a common reaction is to want to “unmake” the pain — to make it go away. This is a very human reaction and thus quite understandable. Who wants to experience pain? However, when we learn to shift from being reactive to being “response-able” (a practical definition of Emotional Sobriety), we can accept the painful stimulus as is, and then utilise it as a cue — usually in the form of a new patterns of thinking, feeling, and taking action — which will help us move forward in a healthy manner.
“Living in the echo chamber of my childhood” is how I would describe the unfolding process. The impacts experienced today are, in some way, reverberations of the “old ideas” initially formed in childhood. It is a beckoning for attention, to address those elements — hitherto hidden — that still require healing, the progeny of which are constrictive patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which no longer serve me. This is where old beliefs about money once more appeared on my mental radar screen. I believe they can be traced back through the paternal line…
