Weekly Reflections

An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.

EnJOY!

Health

Change Paradox

The caterpillar does not engage in a coercive attempt to change herself into a butterfly. She is wholly at one in her caterpillar existence. Without this self-acceptance of “what is”, the organic transformation cannot take place. How do we get to such a point of growth and development? The first step is to quit running away from our version of “what is”. Our society stimulates us to be on the run, around the clock. Addictions, both substance-related and behavioural, are the grease that keeps the wheels of our modern global consumer society moving. As long as we buy into the lie: “I’ll be happy when…” we will be tilting at windmills like our old friend Don Quixote…

Leadership

Violence

Down on all fours, searching in vain, he hears the voice of a policeman who has happened upon the scene.
“Good evening, Sir. How can I help you?”
“Thank you, Constable. I have lost my keys.”
So, the policeman also gets down on all fours, pulls a flash light from his pocket and joins the search. After ten minutes, they both stand up, perplexed and disheartened.
“Are you sure you dropped them here, Sir?”, asks the policemen.
“Oh no,” says the man. “I dropped them in that dark side street across the road over there.”
“Well, why in heaven’s name then are you searching here?”
“Because it is bright here, in the lamplight,” was his laconic answer…

Community

Generational Grief

My new friends in AA suggested placing my focus on what was needed in terms of new behaviours in the light of this discovery. The first, of course, was not to take the first drink. Much more was to come later, in the form of a new design for living as described in the Big Book of AA and summarised in the Twelve Steps. That work is still ongoing today, one day at a time. I also had a bizarre hunch in those first months, one that has been recently confirmed in my heart and soul, without solid external evidence: That I am the grandchild of one or more alcoholics.

Community

Family Matters

From the child’s perspective we could apply the Zen proverb: `We never step into the same river twice.´ It is not the parent, per say, that determines the experience, but the relationship between the child, at any given moment, and the parenting at that same moment. Each interaction between a parent and any one child is a reprise of stepping into new waters, and for each parent-sibling combination there is a different river. In the overall picture, my impression is that our parents always acted with the best of intentions. Like all human beings they had their good days and bad, and sometimes their actions were determined by inner Saboteurs of which they had little awareness…

Community

Splendid Torch

In a recent conversation, a newly made acquaintance asked what I did for a living. The answer was Transformation Coaching, for people who have lost their way in life.
“In what way?”
“It is different in each individual case.”
“What brought you to this field of work?”
“I lost my way.”
“What did that look like?”
“The immediate manifestation was substance addiction.”
“So, you’re an alcoholic?”
“Yes, thankfully now in recovery….”

It was a refreshing conversation, especially considering it took place in the frenzied energy field of one of Cologne’s best known rave clubs at three o clock in the morning…

Community

Weariness

In the neglect arising from the absence of the caregiver attuned to our needs we soon learn to take care of our own needs. We become the children who are often admired for our maturity beyond our years, a target of warm praise from our caregivers, our teachers, and later, our bosses. We are the hyper-independent self starters everyone wants on their team because we require little or no supervision. We learn to become the compliant partner in relationships or flip to the other extreme of trying to dominate them…

Community

Isolation

Taking the bird’s-eye perspective, this would explain how we, as a species, have arrived at the point of jeopardising life on the planet through our self-centred actions. Were we truly connected (to ourselves, each other, and Creation), we would not, as a result of focusing on short-term material gains, drive other species to extinction, abuse billions of animals so cruelly to uphold unsustainable, outdated nutrition practices, and violate our nest through the proliferation of toxins in agriculture and industrial activities, as we are doing today…

Community

Imposter

The only explanation I could find as to why this `unbearability of being´ had become my daily reality was that there must have been something inherently wrong with me. The only alternative explanation, — that my parents were so overwhelmed that they could not meet my basic emotional needs — would have been too much to endure for a child still dependent upon his parents. Add to these internal ruminations the messaging common in any group trying to function as best it can under severe pressure and it is no wonder that some of us arrive at the conclusion that we are useless, not good enough, that the world would be better off without us…

Community

Longing

In our hyper-cerebral, post-modern culture, we may have been looking for answers in the wrong place all along. A fellow recently shared the following acronym during a meeting: FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart. When we have begun to embrace all that resides within us, and only then, can true healing begin. Everything in there belongs to us. There are no bad parts, only those that pull us towards wholeness and those that would attempt to take us backwards, to the status quo of our early childhood sense of dis-ease…

Community

Beyond Morality

Fr. Greg Boyle S.J. is the founder and director of Homeboy Industries, the world’s largest gang intervention and rehabilitation program, and former pastor of Dolores Mission Church in L.A. Many of those who benefit from the services of Homeboy Industries are living, like me, in long-term addiction recovery. As Fr. Greg, or “Gee”, as the hommies like to call him, points out in his most recent book “Cherished Belonging”, morality has not succeeded in making us moral and has, in fact, been the means by which division has been sown among us. We are good and they are bad…

Community

Regrets

“Compassion” (or “Empathise”); the love of self, others, and circumstances. “Explore”; the love of discovery, of expanding our scope of experiencing the endless abundance and opportunities of life. “Innovate”; the love of new ideas and breaking new ground. “Navigate”; the love of purpose and deeply held values, – and aligning our thoughts, emotions, and actions with these values. And “Activate”; the love of moving from thinking and feeling into taking action, while guided by the Powers of Sage. We move through life drawn by love rather than being driven by fear…

Leadership

The Big Picture

Having moved our focus to the body, – a more healthy form of being “out of our heads” – we can engage our deeper Self through the heart, and shift to any one or combination of the five so-called Sage Powers: Compassion (Empathise), Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate. Each of these is a manifestation of one of the many facets of love. Compassion is the love of connection. Explore is the love of discovery. Innovate is the love of creativity. Navigate is the love of values and purpose. Finally, Activate is the love of making a difference, of converting ideas and intention into actions…

Community

Scapegoating

On the definition of sin, I can remember many lessons in junior school where countless examples of sin were expounded by the elderly Jesuits in whose care our education was placed. Original sin, venial sins, mortal sins, white lies, etc. Egged on by my classmates, I would distract the teachers from our regular school work by asking to which category this or that deed (or thought) belonged. Today, I prefer the definition of sin provided by Richard Rohr, contemporary Christian mystic, namely “missing the mark”. This implies that our thoughts, emotions, or deeds are not in alignment with our deeply held values…

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