God

Basic elements of reality which we, through our culture, collectively attempt to deny include the facts that we are all going to die, that everything is impermanent, that we have no control over much of what occurs in life, and that there is, beyond what we recognise we do not know, a vast amount of knowledge of which we are not aware that we do not know. We are blind to our own blind spots…

Mercy

This experience was very much influenced by the prevailing image of a punitive God, all rules, and no mercy. I imagined the delinquent (me) kneeling before a fierce figure of authority (God) pleading for mercy in the hope of averting the worst degree of punishment (eternal damnation in hell), which was of course deserved, in the light of my unworthiness and the scourge of Original Sin. If this sounds dramatic, it was. Remember, these signals were being picked up by the ears, heart, and imagination of a very young child.

Discovery

As we learn later in life, happiness cannot ever be attained. Happiness is a by-product of being who we truly are and embracing what happens. The more we strive for it, the further it slips from our grasp. This increases our frustration, and we simply try harder by applying more effort. Now we find ourselves in a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. The fact that a further eight billion people are all playing the same game, exacerbates things…

Daring To Love

Without uncovering, subsequently befriending, and tending this wound – the Greek word is trauma – we will be hampered in all subsequent efforts to establish intimacy in human relations. Because when we open our hearts completely, we are stepping into the unknown and giving another person access to the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. There is always a chance of getting hurt, rejected, ridiculed, humiliated, of being misunderstood, or abandoned, once again…

Compassion

One further point is important in this respect. This is the danger of premature or simply rational forgiveness. This is `pseudo forgiveness´, a form of spiritual bypassing. It occurs when we return to the past, to attend inner wounds, this time not shielded by intoxication but by our still intact invulnerability. We thus protect ourselves from truly remembering and re-feeling the original pain. Instead of healing the old wounds, this approach simply masks them, thereby exacting a high price.

Primal Wounds

The reactivation of the wound can be best described using the following analogy: If, upon meeting a person, we firmly shake hands, and one or both of us has a tender, open wound in our palm, the encounter will be painful. The pain is not intentionally stimulated; it is a by-product of the encounter combined with a lack of awareness. It is not caused, per se, by the encounter; the cause lies in the fact that the already existing wound in the palm of the hand has not yet healed. Until it has, each new encounter will be painful…

Sun

The dilemma is made up of two parts. Firstly, we have a mind that needs to drink and a body that can’t. Secondly, when we start drinking, we can’t stop, and when we stop, we can’t stay stopped. It’s a real Catch 22. We are caught up in what medical folks today call an `impulse control disorder´. We cannot think our way out of it, nor can the trap be sprung using willpower alone. As Einstein pointed out, the consciousness that created the problem cannot be consciousness that solves the problem. We need to go higher – in terms of frequency, – ergo `Higher Power´…

White Horse

We have inherited many patterns from our primitive ancestors, who, to survive, needed to be constantly on guard, for example when leaves rustled in the jungle. The reptilian part of our brain, that part which is concerned with survival and therefore fuelled by existential fear, can still be very much active today. In our energy fields, we also carry the collective fears and wounds (trauma) of our ancestors, the innumerable generations who have gone before us. As Richard Rohr points out: There are only two possibilities, transfer or transform. Due to a lack of awareness, the general pattern has been that of transferring the burden from one generation to the next, even adding to it as we progress…

Killing The Hope

We all know people who return again and again to an abusive relationship. For onlookers, this behaviour is difficult to fathom while we remain ignorant of the underlying emotional and psychological bedrock and the invisible dynamics at play. It is the trauma bond that keeps a victim in the relationship with a narcissist, or any abuser. Although it can manifest most powerfully within adult primary relationships, it can also be found in friendships and in familial relationships. It can be particularly acute with a narcissistic parent because of the deep nature of the parent-child bond…

Alexithymia

An aside worthy of mention here was his intervention to help delineate between feelings and beliefs. When at one point I said `I feel neglected´, he feigned astonishment and asked me to show him where I felt this in my body. I couldn’t, of course, because `neglect´ is not a feeling. The term alexithymia (from the Greek a = lack, lexis = word, thymos = emotion) was first coined by the Greek/US psychiatrist Peter E. Sifneos in 1972 after noticing that some patients showed extreme difficulties in talking about their emotions…