Weekly Reflections

An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome. EnJOY!

Community

Be Kind!

On one such engagement he was holding a symposium for corporate executives on the topic of leadership. He began by asking those members of the audience who had grandchildren to raise their hands. Most of the hands went up. He then asked them at exactly what point of the day they switched from being loving grandfathers (most were men) to being CEOs, incumbents of corporate power, who made largely rational, short-term yet wide-reaching decisions which ultimately undermine the future of our grandchildren and subsequent generations…

Community

Peace

As we make progress in establishing, maintaining, and increasing Mental Fitness, we can apply this three-step process in real time, thereby nipping the exertions of the Saboteurs in the bud, before damage occurs. Since we are not saints, we will not succeed in this every time. With practice, however, we will gain traction in thwarting their efforts while increasingly applying the Powers of Sage in navigating our lives. In cases where we do get hijacked, the return to balance (ease) and making amends will happen more and more swiftly. This is a measure of our newly attained resilience.

PQ Mental Fitness

Defences

It has become clear to me, over time, that most of my anger comes, primarily, from a place of deep sadness. Sadness at the loss of what might have been, what I feel could or perhaps should have been. The premature loss of innocence, the brutally truncated childhood, and unfortunate catapulting into preposterous responsibilities that nobody should be forced to bear at such a tender age. As long as we are incapable or unwilling to grieve these losses, we will continue to overlook the resources that life offers us.

Peace of MInd

Silence

So, the deeper I get into the silence, the more I anticipate the eruption. Avoiding silence at all costs can appear very enticing. Such attempts can be maintained over decades, through busyness or other forms of addictive habits and compulsive behavioural patterns. At some point, however, we generally crash and burn. This turning point, in retrospect, is the moment of opportunity, an opportunity to stop running, to practice interoception and to choose – in self-actualization – another way of living. Every programme of self-actualization includes meditation, prayer, and contemplation, in some form or other…

Health

Hiking

In the exuberance of youth, we had set out to change the world. Now, having reached midlife, we realise that the only person we can change is the one clad in our own skin, while recognising that that change, once manifested, may affect healing, growth, and development among those with whom we interact, one day at a time, if we are willing to share what we find…

Peace of MInd

Suicide

Not a year goes by now, without news of someone from my wider circle of friends or acquaintances struggling with life to the degree that they would consider what looks like an escape hatch, an easier softer way. Or indeed, the sad consummation of such plans. Every time this happens, I am devastated. The devastation comes from the mere inkling of the suffering the protagonist must have been going through when the decision was made and carried out. Such incidences also point clearly to our own vulnerability. If she or he could be pushed that far, could we be next?

Community

Loyalty

The outward focus on people, places, and things – as the presumptive wellspring of the love and sense of belonging we so strongly yearn – this erroneous attitude is a major cause of subsequent suffering in later life. The process of recovery is primarily a process of inner work on self. We do not recover to change our parents, our partners, or the world. We recover to grow in awareness. We recover to develop a new pair of glasses through which we view the world more objectively. And we recover to establish and practice new behaviours. In short, we do the work of recovery that we might be changed…

Community

Family System

In doing this work, we cannot dodge the old wounds and thus re-feeling the original pain. That is the difficult part. In exploring my family dynamics, it is important to acknowledge the loving kindness that pervaded my family of origin, in conjunction with the systemic dysfunction described below. Many precious gifts were created and shared through this kindness. Wounds are part and parcel of the human experience. It was not for lack of kindness that wounds were inflicted. It was, rather, lack of awareness…

Community

Cowardly Lion

When I apply this approach, it quickly becomes clear that the accusation of cowardice is false. There have been many occasions and situations in life where great courage on my part had been the essential factor in pulling through. For any teenager to accompany his terminally ill father in his final journey takes courage. Getting out of town – in my case emigrating at the age of 19 – takes courage. It takes courage to ask for help, to do the work of recovery. It takes courage to set healthy boundaries. It takes courage to follow one’s bliss. It takes courage to share such insights as those found in my writings..

PQ Mental Fitness

Rheostat

This brings me to the rheostat. On emerging into adulthood, mine seemed to be missing. In recovery, we address such issues. Once we abstain from the cruder forms of emotional self-medication, we can begin to learn to self-regulate. My early years were undoubtedly overshadowed by what led to the panic attacks described above. Therapists have suggested it might have been a traumatic experience, physical, emotional, or spiritual, in my early years. The honest answer is that there is still no clear answer…

Community

Trapped

As long as we are constantly hijacked by our Saboteurs, fear rules our lives and the lives of those around us. This takes place sometimes very obviously, sometimes more subtly. Fear’s toolbox contains a very powerful device that, if not addressed and relinquished, will ensure that the old order will forever rule the day. This device is denial. For many years I stewed in the juice of denial. Sara Bareilles describes the dynamic eloquently in her sublime song “Orpheus“:
Missing the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense because you
didn’t know the truth…..

Indeed, many of us didn’t know the truth for long stretches of our lives. Denial has an important role to play in our survival…

Leadership

Mind The Gap!

My general observations lead me to conclude that we are either in autopilot and react in line with the coping mechanisms and survival strategies we developed before our fourth birthday (approximately) or, having developed sufficient awareness, mindfulness, and mental fitness, we learn to pause before responding to whatever stimuli cross our paths in a conscious, loving manner – beneficial to the healing, growth, and joy of all concerned. The term “autopilot” may be considered charitable. Some would call it “sleepwalking through life” (Dr Allen Berger) or even refer to a “Zombie” existence. And of course, this is not an all-or-nothing phenomenon…

PQ Mental Fitness

Balance

So, it was really telling when, in a recent yoga lesson, we went though balance exercises which included the Vrikshasana (The Tree Pose, where standing on one foot we bring the other to the inside of our upper thigh), that the terror of childhood – as a felt state – returned. My heart began to race; I began to sweat and couldn’t maintain my balance for longer that twenty seconds. Of even more interest was the fact that my breathing froze. Despite all the insights and, indeed, practice in so many other modalities and situations, here we had the default patterns re-asserting themselves immediately, and with a vengeance…

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