An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.
EnJOY!
I state the following key principle of Positive Intelligence: All your distress is self-generated. To be more precise, all your distress in the forms of anxiety, disappointments, stress, anger, shame, guilt – all the unpleasant stuff that makes up your suffering – is generated by your own Saboteurs.
Shirzad Chamine, `Positive Intelligence´
Loss of meaning is yet another widespread social phenomenon and an affliction of the modern workplace. In his latest book, `The Myth of Normal,´ (page 290), Gabor Maté writes that: Just 30% of employees in the US feel engaged at work, according to a 2013 report by Gallup; across 142 countries, the proportion of employees who feel engaged at work is only 13%.
`For most of us, work is a depleting, dispiriting experience, and in some obvious ways, it’s getting worse,´ wrote two leading economic consultants in the New York Times.´ Draw your own conclusions…
The core goal of PQ mental fitness training is to train three mental muscles: The Saboteur Interceptor, the Sage Enhancer, and the Mind Command muscle. The latter enables us to strengthen our ability to switch from Saboteur to Sage, ideally in real time. PQ can thus be regarded as an `Operating System´ on which a wide range of applications (business goals, team building, relationship issues, parenting, healthy living, etc) can better run…
Over recent months, many people have asked me about the name `SoberOasis´, wanting to know if my coaching services are principally targeted at alcoholics, junkies, and other substance addicts. As the answer is `no´, this essay intends to provide clarity by means of examining the prevalent misconceptions about addiction in our society, and the true meaning of `sobriety´, as I experience and understand it.
To a greater or lesser degree, we all love our comforts. After a November evening walk in the driving wind and rain, we delight in the comforts of a steaming hot cup of tea imbibed as we warm our limbs by the roaring fire. In fact, it is sometimes the promise of the anticipated comfort that keeps us motivated as we navigate unpleasant challenges. We play `good cop, bad cop´ within ourselves.
For our Celtic ancestors, the Festival of Samhain (Halloween) marked the beginning of winter, and it heralded the start of the new year. For many of us, the encroaching darkness brings a shiver, not so much from the cooler temperatures, but more from anticipation of the shorter, colder days and the long, silent nights ahead. The green of the once fresh leaves is giving way to shades of brown, bronze, russet, and red. They will soon have fallen, leaving behind the skeleton-like silhouettes of the majestic crowns they once mantled.
While there are multiple ways to achieve mental fitness, some ancient and others modern, the one I’ve found to be most accessible and effective is Positive Intelligence, which helps us:
Improve Wellbeing: Happiness, Stress management, Self-confidence
Strengthen Relationships: Stronger connections, Conflict management, Empathy
Boost Performance: More effective use of mental energy, Improved ability to help others, Enhanced leadership practice, and improved teamwork…
In this mental fitness programme, with daily exercises provided by means of a powerful and easy-to-use PQ-App, we need to train only three muscles: The Saboteur Interceptor, The Sage Enhancer, and the so-called Mind Control muscle, the one that enables us to switch from Saboteur to Sage mode in real time. These exercises are, for the most part, short body-based exercises which help us return to and remain in the present moment. Until we get carried away to past or future again, that is…
My life since its turning point in 2003 has brought many dreams to fruition. Climbing mountains which appeared beyond my reach, running marathons along beautiful shores, dancing, singing, and making music, engaging in service all around the world, re-engaging with my beloved family, learning photography and meeting people who inspire and lead by example…
Even more critical than in the realm of practical daily chores is the topic of (in)action when it comes to breaking out of destructive behaviours to move towards a cultivation of self care. This is a topic familiar to a wide range of personality types: the sedentary `couch potato´ who knows that physical exercise is not only warranted but would also be beneficial and probably even enjoyable, the junk food consumer who knows deep down that a better diet would bring about positive changes in body, mood and well-being, and the social media/streaming aficionado whose FOMO tendencies result paradoxically in actually missing out on the real life..
The most challenging years of life are, by definition, those early formative ones. Clinical research points to the fact that the fundamental wiring of our neural networks is almost completely laid down by our fourth birthday. These networks determine our temperament, our behavioral patterns, and belief systems well into adulthood. They will remain dominant until we consciously begin the practice of rewiring, of rewriting the script – if we are so lucky to realize the possibility of doing so…
When we experience pain, whether due to current issues (a bereavement, a setback, the break-up of a relationship, etc.) or the reactivation of an old episode of pain from the past (e.g. childhood trauma), a common reaction is to want to “unmake” the pain — to make it go away. This is a very human reaction and thus quite understandable. Who wants to experience pain? However, when we learn to shift from being reactive to being “response-able” (a practical definition of Emotional Sobriety), we can accept the painful stimulus as is, and then utilise it as a cue — usually in the form of a new patterns of thinking, feeling, and taking action — which will help us move forward in a healthy manner.
“Living in the echo chamber of my childhood” is how I would describe the unfolding process. The impacts experienced today are, in some way, reverberations of the “old ideas” initially formed in childhood. It is a beckoning for attention, to address those elements — hitherto hidden — that still require healing, the progeny of which are constrictive patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which no longer serve me. This is where old beliefs about money once more appeared on my mental radar screen. I believe they can be traced back through the paternal line…
