Over recent months, many people have asked me about the name `SoberOasis´, wanting to know if my coaching services are principally targeted at alcoholics, junkies, and other substance addicts. As the answer is `no´, this essay intends to provide clarity by means of examining the prevalent misconceptions about addiction in our society, and the true meaning of `sobriety´, as I experience and understand it.
To a greater or lesser degree, we all love our comforts. After a November evening walk in the driving wind and rain, we delight in the comforts of a steaming hot cup of tea imbibed as we warm our limbs by the roaring fire. In fact, it is sometimes the promise of the anticipated comfort that keeps us motivated as we navigate unpleasant challenges. We play `good cop, bad cop´ within ourselves.
For our Celtic ancestors, the Festival of Samhain (Halloween) marked the beginning of winter, and it heralded the start of the new year. For many of us, the encroaching darkness brings a shiver, not so much from the cooler temperatures, but more from anticipation of the shorter, colder days and the long, silent nights ahead. The green of the once fresh leaves is giving way to shades of brown, bronze, russet, and red. They will soon have fallen, leaving behind the skeleton-like silhouettes of the majestic crowns they once mantled.
While there are multiple ways to achieve mental fitness, some ancient and others modern, the one I’ve found to be most accessible and effective is Positive Intelligence, which helps us:
Improve Wellbeing: Happiness, Stress management, Self-confidence
Strengthen Relationships: Stronger connections, Conflict management, Empathy
Boost Performance: More effective use of mental energy, Improved ability to help others, Enhanced leadership practice, and improved teamwork…
In this mental fitness programme, with daily exercises provided by means of a powerful and easy-to-use PQ-App, we need to train only three muscles: The Saboteur Interceptor, The Sage Enhancer, and the so-called Mind Control muscle, the one that enables us to switch from Saboteur to Sage mode in real time. These exercises are, for the most part, short body-based exercises which help us return to and remain in the present moment. Until we get carried away to past or future again, that is…
My life since its turning point in 2003 has brought many dreams to fruition. Climbing mountains which appeared beyond my reach, running marathons along beautiful shores, dancing, singing, and making music, engaging in service all around the world, re-engaging with my beloved family, learning photography and meeting people who inspire and lead by example…
Even more critical than in the realm of practical daily chores is the topic of (in)action when it comes to breaking out of destructive behaviours to move towards a cultivation of self care. This is a topic familiar to a wide range of personality types: the sedentary `couch potato´ who knows that physical exercise is not only warranted but would also be beneficial and probably even enjoyable, the junk food consumer who knows deep down that a better diet would bring about positive changes in body, mood and well-being, and the social media/streaming aficionado whose FOMO tendencies result paradoxically in actually missing out on the real life..
In my case, nature has a very positive effect on my well-being, so I spend as much time as possible in the outdoors. Since childhood, I have been fascinated by all things, great and small, that can be found in the natural world. Plants, animals, rivers, skies, and all the rest; these keep me in a state of awe. The river we visit today is not the same one we saw yesterday. If we look closely enough, we can see that everything is alive, and in flux…
In the words of Marianne Williamson: ` We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others´…
As a species we now stand at a turning point. With the innovations that have emerged over the past 120 years in areas such as depth psychology, neuroscience, quantum physics, imaging technology, addiction recovery, bodywork trauma therapies, and the like, we are perfectly equipped to bring about a new Golden Age of cultural evolution. We have an opportunity to create a culture that serves the needs of the people..
As long as we are constantly hijacked by our Saboteurs, fear rules our lives and the lives of those around us. This takes place sometimes very obviously, sometimes more subtly. Fear’s toolbox contains a very powerful device that, if not addressed and relinquished, will ensure that the old order will forever rule the day. This device is denial. For many years I stewed in the juice of denial. Sara Bareilles describes the dynamic eloquently in her sublime song “Orpheus“:
Missing the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense because you
didn’t know the truth…..
Indeed, many of us didn’t know the truth for long stretches of our lives. Denial has an important role to play in our survival…
My general observations lead me to conclude that we are either in autopilot and react in line with the coping mechanisms and survival strategies we developed before our fourth birthday (approximately) or, having developed sufficient awareness, mindfulness, and mental fitness, we learn to pause before responding to whatever stimuli cross our paths in a conscious, loving manner – beneficial to the healing, growth, and joy of all concerned. The term “autopilot” may be considered charitable. Some would call it “sleepwalking through life” (Dr Allen Berger) or even refer to a “Zombie” existence. And of course, this is not an all-or-nothing phenomenon…
So, it was really telling when, in a recent yoga lesson, we went though balance exercises which included the Vrikshasana (The Tree Pose, where standing on one foot we bring the other to the inside of our upper thigh), that the terror of childhood – as a felt state – returned. My heart began to race; I began to sweat and couldn’t maintain my balance for longer that twenty seconds. Of even more interest was the fact that my breathing froze. Despite all the insights and, indeed, practice in so many other modalities and situations, here we had the default patterns re-asserting themselves immediately, and with a vengeance…
© 2022 SoberOasis | Patrick Little
