An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.
EnJOY!
I wandered outside again into the yard, to enjoy the spaciousness under the vibrant sky, the brightness and warmth of the July sunshine, and the music of the blanket bog. The mood was carefree; we were all a bit tired, perhaps also hungry, at the tail end of the long day trip…
The pertinent question today is the one which addresses my degree of willingness to wake up to the reality of life as it is right now, in the present moment, to accept the mixed bag of wounds and gifts that have accumulated over time, and to embrace the opportunity to heal the old wounds while cultivating and further developing the gifts. Herein lies my free will…
When I got into the car and attempted to reverse out onto the paved lane, there was a rude awakening. The back wheels simply spun on the spot. Zero traction. There I am, facing downhill on a 15% slope, unable to reverse out. I was stuck…
At the end of this seemingly successful treatment, Rowland Hazard, now several months dry, was confident that he could remain abstinent and return to the US to continue his recovery. He only got as far as Paris, however, where someone asked him the wrong question: `Would you like a glass of champagne, Sir?´
Returning to Zurich with his tail between his legs, distraught and depressed, he once again sought out Dr Jung. He asked him what hope, if any, there was for him. Jung was frank with his American client…
My father’s death and, in particular, how he handled the experience, has also shown itself to be a great gift. By leaving this incarnation in a conscious state of humility, faith, and gratitude, he demonstrated how best we can embrace the ultimate human challenge. Almost half a century later, I still find myself unwrapping further layers of this precious gift…
Trauma is not what happened to us but rather how we reacted to what we experienced. This often takes the form of belief systems and behaviours formed initially to ensure our survival in circumstances we experienced as existentially threatening. In the long term, these may prove to be counter productive for our growth and development…
With the help of loved-ones, mentors, and wise teachers, I learned to see through this illusion and to differentiate between pain and suffering, no easy task for one who grew up in a kind of hieroglyphics world, where real things or emotions were never said or done or even thought, but only ever expressed by proxy. Slammed doors and the rolling of eyes count among the more obvious clues…
There is a neurological explanation for this phenomenon. Neural pathways develop over time in line with our experience and corresponding behaviours. They become etched into our brains, offering themselves as the default, `the only way´. Like the diagonal paths that traverse the lawns of poorly designed public parks, our past behaviour dictates how information flows and is processed in our brains…
What else would you do with a child who was clearly overwhelmed?´ I asked myself. Empathise, – put myself in his shoes. The origin of the term despondency points to some solemn promise having been broken, – the promise perhaps of protection, nurturing, and trust. I would act in a manner that seeks to protect, provides nurturing, and aims to rebuild trust. That means being fully present, free of judgement…
Moreover, in an effort to `compensate´ for our parents’ shortcomings, we may have manifested adult levels of maturity far too early in life. While I certainly cultivated strengths such as organisational skills, self-reliance, and independence along the way ― strengths that have served me well in many situations as an adult, ― having to be the emotionally mature person in my relationship with my parent was confusing and has left wounds in its wake…
The most challenging years of life are, by definition, those early formative ones. Clinical research points to the fact that the fundamental wiring of our neural networks is almost completely laid down by our fourth birthday. These networks determine our temperament, our behavioral patterns, and belief systems well into adulthood. They will remain dominant until we consciously begin the practice of rewiring, of rewriting the script – if we are so lucky to realize the possibility of doing so…
When we experience pain, whether due to current issues (a bereavement, a setback, the break-up of a relationship, etc.) or the reactivation of an old episode of pain from the past (e.g. childhood trauma), a common reaction is to want to “unmake” the pain — to make it go away. This is a very human reaction and thus quite understandable. Who wants to experience pain? However, when we learn to shift from being reactive to being “response-able” (a practical definition of Emotional Sobriety), we can accept the painful stimulus as is, and then utilise it as a cue — usually in the form of a new patterns of thinking, feeling, and taking action — which will help us move forward in a healthy manner.
“Living in the echo chamber of my childhood” is how I would describe the unfolding process. The impacts experienced today are, in some way, reverberations of the “old ideas” initially formed in childhood. It is a beckoning for attention, to address those elements — hitherto hidden — that still require healing, the progeny of which are constrictive patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which no longer serve me. This is where old beliefs about money once more appeared on my mental radar screen. I believe they can be traced back through the paternal line…
