An Oasis is a good place to pause and reflect. Each of my weeks provides ample inspiration in terms of topics; from coaching sessions, conversations with family and friends, my own reading, or one of the many podcasts I absorb when on the move. A topic will resonate with me early in the week and I get great pleasure from the iterative process of drafting, revising, polishing, and finalising each essay. Then comes the selection of a suitable photo, usually a product of yet another creative hobby of mine. I invite you take a little time out, to create your own six-minute oasis, find a comfortable chair, and read. You will hopefully find some inspiration from or a degree of identification in these Weekly Reflections. If you do, feel free to subscribe to this section. You will then receive future installments directly by email. Also, feel free to share the link among your circle of friends and associates. Finally, feedback and comments are always most welcome.
EnJOY!
The rules of this playbook are tacitly constructed, implied, and enforced (at least we try). No conscious communication has taken place, and nothing has been mutually agreed. Now, imagine that each member of the family is playing the same game, unbeknownst to themselves and the other parties involved, and you have a recipe for a quintessentially dysfunctional home…
We have created a culture which promises success and happiness, if only we identified and acquired the right ingredients out there. The right education, the successful career, the perfect partner, the recognition of our peers, even the right car. The title of this game is: `I’ll be happy when…..´ This is the lie of the Inner Critic, or Judge Saboteur, which is constantly engaged in judging self, others, and circumstances…
Recovery is about moving from illusion to truth. We acquire the insights and tools required to escape the bondage of constant anxiety and fear. Now it is clear that, while I have my feelings, I am not my feelings. That is a great leap forward indeed. It is not the full story, however, as beautifully elaborated by Stephen and Ondrea Levine in their inspiring book on cultivating Spirit in relationships, `Embracing The Beloved´…
As the crack between impulse and reply widens even further, we enter the realm of responding. Here the gap is sufficiently wide for the protagonist to observe what the impulsive reply might look like, identify and weigh up alternative options, and then make a conscious decision, followed by prompt action…
In the spring before my sixteenth birthday my father had fallen ill. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and had surgery to remove most of his right lung. In those days, the prognosis for such patients was not very good, but his medical colleagues gave him `from one to thirty years´. He didn’t make the one. In the summer and early autumn months of that year, I spent much of the time outside of school hours with him, as he set out on the final stage of this life…
I have now been actively practicing the PQ (Positive Intelligence) Mental Fitness Programme on a daily basis for almost two straight years. In addition, I completed my 18 months of training as a PQ Mental Fitness Coach, gaining certification in July of this year. The support of my fellow coaches, peer group, and clients has been invaluable on this exciting adventure, and I am looking forward to more discovery, creativity, and growth in this arena in the new year. It is my conviction that this PQ Mental Fitness modality will establish itself as a fundamental element of transformation coaching in the years to come…
Then there was the question as to how the architects got the solar alignment correct, to such a degree that the Winter Solstice spectacle functions perfectly. How could they have known what to do and how to execute such a plan? Surely the people who built Newgrange had both know-how, resources, and wisdom at their disposal which we cannot even imagine today. What cosmic forces guided them in this endeavour? How can we, as humans, tap into such forces and cultivate the connection?
The chrysalis is at one and the same time a tomb, for the caterpillar, and a womb, for the butterfly. In the given situation this may not be apparent at first glance. Impaired by the lens of duality, our perception ensures that one aspect, –usually the receding to which we are so attached, – tends to dominate, and we proceed to engage in a mental struggle between it and its opposite…
My attempts were thwarted, leading me each time to obstacles, in the form of major construction sites, where large numbers of people, busily engaged in the major refurbishment of entire floors, were coming and going. I knew each time that my destination could be reached by going through the construction site but those working there were either too busy to even notice me, let alone engage with me, or if they did, would not allow me to pass through, citing safety regulations. I eventually had to turn back on each occasion. The level of my frustration was rising rapidly, since it appeared that my exertions were all doomed to fail, whatever I did. In the back of my mind, I knew that there was a way through, but couldn’t figure out how exactly to find it, with no help apparently available to me…
But just as a belief in electricity is insufficient when it comes to operating power tools, we must find a way of tapping into the power. Otherwise, the tools are useless. In my garden shed this means connecting the tools to the mains or an appropriately charged battery. The Big Book of AA contends that, for those dealing with addiction, the connection is obscured (blocked) by one of three things, or a combination of same. These are `calamity, pomp, and worship of other things´…
The most challenging years of life are, by definition, those early formative ones. Clinical research points to the fact that the fundamental wiring of our neural networks is almost completely laid down by our fourth birthday. These networks determine our temperament, our behavioral patterns, and belief systems well into adulthood. They will remain dominant until we consciously begin the practice of rewiring, of rewriting the script – if we are so lucky to realize the possibility of doing so…
When we experience pain, whether due to current issues (a bereavement, a setback, the break-up of a relationship, etc.) or the reactivation of an old episode of pain from the past (e.g. childhood trauma), a common reaction is to want to “unmake” the pain — to make it go away. This is a very human reaction and thus quite understandable. Who wants to experience pain? However, when we learn to shift from being reactive to being “response-able” (a practical definition of Emotional Sobriety), we can accept the painful stimulus as is, and then utilise it as a cue — usually in the form of a new patterns of thinking, feeling, and taking action — which will help us move forward in a healthy manner.
“Living in the echo chamber of my childhood” is how I would describe the unfolding process. The impacts experienced today are, in some way, reverberations of the “old ideas” initially formed in childhood. It is a beckoning for attention, to address those elements — hitherto hidden — that still require healing, the progeny of which are constrictive patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which no longer serve me. This is where old beliefs about money once more appeared on my mental radar screen. I believe they can be traced back through the paternal line…
