Longing
In our hyper-cerebral, post-modern culture, we may have been looking for answers in the wrong place all along. A fellow recently shared the following acronym during a meeting: FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart. When we have begun to embrace all that resides within us, and only then, can true healing begin. Everything in there belongs to us. There are no bad parts, only those that pull us towards wholeness and those that would attempt to take us backwards, to the status quo of our early childhood sense of dis-ease…
Beyond Morality
Fr. Greg Boyle S.J. is the founder and director of Homeboy Industries, the world’s largest gang intervention and rehabilitation program, and former pastor of Dolores Mission Church in L.A. Many of those who benefit from the services of Homeboy Industries are living, like me, in long-term addiction recovery. As Fr. Greg, or “Gee”, as the hommies like to call him, points out in his most recent book “Cherished Belonging”, morality has not succeeded in making us moral and has, in fact, been the means by which division has been sown among us. We are good and they are bad…
Secrets
As an addict living in recovery since 2003, I have had plenty of opportunities to get to know and interact with people from the many fellowships now providing support to those of us who wish to recover, all around the world. My experience of recovery is that of a transformative shift from fear to love. A major prerequisite for the success of this transformation is the cultivation and practice of compassion: for self, others, and circumstances. The realisation that: `We are as sick as our secrets´ plays a prominent role in the recovery process.
Emotions
In my family of origin, as I experienced things, there was no common language for dealing with the multitude of feelings that are integral to the human condition. It was as if we tried, in a group effort, to read Anna Karenina in the original without any prior knowledge of the Russian culture, language, or even the ability to read Cyrillic script. Emotions are sometimes characterised as `feelings in motion´. A wide array of emotions exists. The following list captures those generally identified as the most common: Acceptance, admiration, affection, amusement, anger, angst, anguish, annoyance, anticipation, anxiety…
Shining Our Light
Any absence or lack of connectedness has more to do with the adult parents and caregivers than with the child herself. It is precisely because the caregivers are not emotionally and spiritually equipped to provide what the child needs, especially in the sense of being seen, and provided sufficient affection and safety to continue being her True Self, that she begins to experiment with ways of `earning´ or effectuating exactly that. We begin to develop a False Self to have our needs met. Rather than viewing this as a maladaptation, we can recognise in this the innate intelligence of evolution. Coping strategies secure our survival, after all…
Self-compassion
In a process akin to peeling an onion, we work our way to the realisation that, while others may be the ones to activate feelings that challenge us as we make our way through the day, the source of our suffering is to be found not `out there´ but within us, namely in our emotional dependencies on people, places, and things to help us feel worthy and lovable. Suffering occurs when I take up a stance of resistance to the pain. Pain is inevitable, suffering is voluntary. If only this, or if only that, then I would feel OK. In Dr Berger’s words, Emotional Sobriety is a shift from `I’m OK if´, to `I’m OK even if…..´.
Reconnecting
Neglect occurs when the fundamental needs are not sufficiently met for longer periods of time or our cries for help go unheard or, indeed, are met with an angry or punitive reaction. Stress activation and the resulting dysregulation become the central dynamic for daily survival. Stress becomes the dominant pattern in both our waking and our sleeping hours. In situations where the parenting is consistent, predictable, and nurturing, the stress response systems become resilient. They grow in proportion to our overall development and needs. A healthy sense of self emerges…
Ritual
My daily walk along the Rhine is a blessing. On reaching the water, I pause to reset my compass for the day. Inspired by the wealth of ritual which has evolved over millennia among indigenous cultures in North America, known as the Medicine Wheel, it comprises greeting five elements: the Four Directions of the compass and the Vertical Axis. First, taking a few deep breaths and feeling into the soles of my feet, it involves facing east, bowing while silently reciting; `East – Air; every breath a new beginning…
Supersedure
The fact that our species has reached such heights in the creation of beauty, — the music of Mozart, the paintings of Monet, the poetry of Rumi, etc — has produced great scientific innovations, and is filled with stories of loving-kindness to each other in the most challenging of circumstances, reminds us that the human potential for love is boundless. Why do so many of us operate below our full potential and what can be done to rectify this? How can we restore the abundance of self worth to ourselves and others once it has been impaired?
Intention
When I am out of sorts, – restless, irritable, and discontented – it invariably turns out that, for reasons often beyond my grasp, I have fallen off the beam of conscious awareness and end up suffering from the illusion of disconnection from Source. The result is a combination of feelings: anxiety, overwhelmed, disconsolate, and forlorn…